


Earth Day

by choomchoom



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holidays, Humor, Secret Solenoid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 17:50:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17248718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choomchoom/pseuds/choomchoom
Summary: Misfire plans a holiday party for the denizens of the WAP.





	Earth Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [espioc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/espioc/gifts).



> This fic was written for merry's prompt "Misfire tries to bring everyone together for a holiday evening. Chaos ensues. But it's Ok." I hope this delivers!

Misfire frowned at the TV, not paying attention to the Earth drama Spinster had insisted on showing to Fulcrum. Despite the lack of objectionable humans, “Zootopia” didn’t seem to be doing the trick. Years of WAP life had taught Misfire that in a matter of minutes, Crankcase would insist that they play another round of Shoot Shoot Bang Bang. The only reason Misfire hadn’t suggested it yet was because he fully believed that in the mood Crankcase was in, he might actually shoot Misfire for violating his “trademark.”

Grimlock was in his room, and hadn’t done more than grunt at the TV the last time Misfire had seen him. Fulcrum was looking at his datapad instead of the TV, and Spinster was glaring at Fulcrum, probably about to say something cutting about his lack of reaction. The Earth movie, Grimlock’s disinterest, Crankcase’s foul mood…a plan came together in Misfire’s mind all at once.

He stood up from the couch and poised himself in front of the TV…then stepped slightly to the side, just in case Spinster took his dramatic revelation as a slight on his taste in entertainment.

“I have an idea,” he said.

“Is it Shoot Shoot Bang Bang?”

Misfire wasn’t sure whether answering that question counted as a trademark violation, so he proceeded as though Crankcase hadn’t said anything. “I will have more information in fifteen minutes,” he announced, and then walked – no, marched, very regally, back to his room.

Okay, maybe he hadn’t thought the idea through, but it  _ was  _ a good one. He just had to…

There were no datapads in his room. Of course there were no datapads in his room. Why would there be datapads in his room? He went back out to the main area and snatched Fulcrum’s with a quick “Can I borrow this? Thanks.” over Fulcrum’s squawk of protest.

A search for  _ Earth holiday _ yielded perplexing results – apparently humans had different groups, who all celebrated different holidays? Not ideal. Then his optics locked on a foolproof solution:

_ Earth Day _ . He clicked on the page for it – apparently humans spent Earth Day lecturing each other about how crummy Earth was. Hm – badmouthing and decorations. Misfire could work with that.

He returned to the living room, where Zootopia was still happening with no one paying attention, and tossed the datapad back in Fulcrum’s general direction.

That was the moment Spinster took to finally say “You weren’t paying attention at  _ all—”,  _ a rant that was surely expertly stopped by Misfire’s charisma.

“We’re going to be having a celebration,” Misfire said, clapping his hands together to get the group’s attention. Silence, blank looks. “Of Earth Day.”

“ _ Why _ ?” Fulcrum asked.

“Is Earth Day even celebrated at this time of year?”

Misfire didn’t have an answer to Krok’s question, so he decided to answer Fulcrum’s. “Because we need it! We’re almost out of money, we’re basically flying through the Universe’s slag chamber, and nothing good has happened to us since the day I switched all the furniture between Krok and Fulcrum’s rooms – which was, I maintain,  _ very  _ funny.”

Krok seemed like he was about to voice his continued disagreement with Misfire’s assessment of that genius prank, but Misfire started talking again before he could. “Be prepared in three hours with your friends, lovers, and favorite complaints about Earth.”

Fulcrum seemed to perk up a bit at the last bit, which was a welcome change from the flat to disapproving looks everyone else was giving him. Well, Crankcase always looked disapproving. Maybe this was the “Great idea, Misfire, I can’t wait!” Crankcase expression. 

Misfire made a graceful exit to his room and dug out the blue and green paint he had filched from an old Worldsweeper they’d raided ages back. He’d known at the time that the paint would be useful for a hilarious prank in the future, but he hadn’t quite figured out what that prank would be yet. Hopefully there would be enough left after this to execute it, whenever he did figure it out.

The door opened just as Misfire was putting the finishing touches on his creation, which would serve as the party centerpiece. Misfire flung a blanket over the painted surface and turned to the only person who had biometric access to his room. Grimlock was holding his head at the angle that Misfire had always interpreted as questioning. Misfire ignored it in an attempt to preserve the surprise.

He hadn’t been telling the whole truth when he’d announced his plans to the crew – particularly when it came to the reasoning behind them. It had been on Earth that Grimlock had taken his biggest-ever step toward getting his memories back, even though they’d only been there a few hours. Misfire would throw an Earth-themed party every day if it meant they kept getting breakthroughs like that.

For now, though, he’d start with one.

\--

Everything was ready. The TV was set to the color of the Earth sky, the energon goodies that Misfire had stolen from Crankcase’s stash hopefully too long ago for Crankcase to notice that they were his were arranged to spell EART (there hadn’t been quite enough for the H), and the party sphere Misfire had gotten from…somewhere, sometime. A balance game had been involved? Unimportant. The point was, he’d painted it to look like Earth, with close to the exact pattern of blue and green that had come up when he’d searched for it on the WAP’s navigation array.

When Misfire came out of his room fifteen minutes after the appointed start time, collection of subspace pirated “Why Earth Is Bad” media in hand, Crankcase was already in the main area, scrutinizing the party sphere. He jerked his eyes away from it when Misfire appeared, and looked over at the boring blue of the TV instead, crossing his arms.

“Pitiful turnout,” Misfire said, “accidentally” pressing the button for the intra-ship PA system as he did so. His voice didn’t come out of the loudspeakers though, and he remembered that Fulcrum had dismantled it a few months ago over “Misfire abusing PA system privileges”.

He sighed and went to rustle up the rest of his crew.

“I never agreed to go to your party, Misfire.” Krok was doing that thing with his optics that Misfire interpreted as a frown.

“That’s…true, so let me tell you why you should. You’ve been moping in your room ever since Tebris VII.”

“What I have been doing is called  _ thinking _ , Misfire-”

“Yeah, yeah, but what have you accomplished?”

“I put together a whole grant application for my mental health clinic! I just have to figure out a way to pretend we’re not Decepticons and that the clientele won’t also be Decepticons, and then I’ll be ready to submit it!”

“So nothing! Come on, live a little.”

Krok crossed his arms.

“I promise I won’t steal any of your private engex for at least a month.”

“For _ ever _ .”

“Forever.” 

Krok stepped out of his room. Fulcrum and Spinster had both drifted out into the main area and were well into the E in EART, Fulcrum clicking through the collection of Earth is Bad media as he ate. Crankcase was in a corner, sitting now, still glaring stubbornly at the sky.

“Happy Earth Day, everyone! I’m going to let you all enjoy the festivities for a little bit, and then…let Grimlock out.”

“Won’t he just destroy all your hard work?” Krok asked through a mouthful of Crankcase’s energon candies.

“Well, probably, but…” Misfire was terrible at keeping secrets. “Since you’re all here already, you might as well know. I put all this together to see if it would jog his memory again. The sword he found on Earth – that was a huge step! And I think that maybe this could be a  _ smaller _ step, maybe one that he’ll react to a bit less destructively-”

“Wait – this was for Grimlock?” Crankcase interrupted from the corner, turning away from the screen for the first time since the party had started. He looked at Misfire, then glanced down. “And are those my energon treats?”

“Well, in a way, it’s for all of us,” Misfire said, because it sounded nice. 

Crankcase stood up. “So it’s not a prank on me?”

“Why on Earth – they say that on Earth – why on Earth would it be a prank on you? I had marked you for the pro-party list.”

“I lost the love of my life on Earth, Misfire! You think I would be pro-reminders of that?”

“Uh-”

“Anyway, I  _ logically  _ assumed that this whole “party” was a joke at my expense so I retaliated in an equivocal manner.”

“What did you do, Crankcase?” Krok’s voice had the deep resignation of a turbofox trainer whose charges wouldn’t stop eating through their training pen’s electrical wiring.

“I – maybe – might have wired the centerpiece to harmlessly explode. So, uh, I’ll just go undo that.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to do explosions on the ship. Why is he allowed to do explosions on the ship?”

Krok’s groan was audible from across the room. “Nobody is allowed to do explosions on the ship, Spinster.”

“But he just said-”

Spinster’s complaint was interrupted by a terrific boom followed immediately by the smell of smoke and the feeling of something wet on Misfire’s plating. He picked himself up off the floor and blinked on his optics. Something wet and – blue?

“Sorry,” Crankcase said, not sounding sorry at all, actually. The paint bomb must have gotten him the worst, what with him standing right in the center of the blast radius, but Misfire could hardly tell – the blue paint matched with Crankcase’s colors exactly.

“OH! It was  _ your  _ prank,” he said as jigsaw pieces clicked together in his head.

Krok barely had time for an incredulous “ _ what” _ before a roar turned all their heads toward the door to Grimlock’s quarters, which had started to slide open. 

“Grimsy! So glad you could make it!” Misfire said, doing his best smile and impression that nothing was amiss. The last thing they needed was Grimlock attacking Crankcase because the noise from the bomb had scared him.

But Grimlock wasn’t looking at Misfire. He was looking at the party sphere, which was still affixed to the ceiling and miraculously unharmed, even though the bottom half was now entirely blue. The bomb must have gone off in Crankcase’s hands.

Grimlock started to charge, and Crankcase dove out of the way, upending the table that held the remainder of the energon treats (probably on purpose, the jerk) as he did so. Grimlock hit the party sphere with his nose, pushing it into the ceiling, and well  _ now  _ it was a goner, raining a patter of blue and green shards on the ground.

Misfire leapt to his feet. “That was the western hemisphere! That was the USA, that was  _ Texas!  _ He remembered!”

“That map was supposed to be accurate?”

“Aren’t there only two longitudinal hemispheres? Meaning he had a 50/50 chance?”

Misfire ignored Crankcase and Fulcrum and bounded over to Grimlock. “Nice one, buddy,” he said.

“If all of Misfire’s other plans have been executed – for variable definitions of the word –”

Misfire nodded. Fulcrum was already reaching for the data stick of Earth is Bad media. “I was actually looking forward to part of the event…”

\--

“Disgusting.”

“ _ Fascinating. _ ”

“Can we just put Skullcruncher on again,  _ please _ ?”

“This is so much better than – uh, that other one.”

_ “ _ Z ootopia. And _ hey.” _

Misfire relaxed back on the couch with a bottle of Krok’s stolen engex – he’d poured it into a different bottle, this time – and watched some earth animals chase some other earth animals around some weird, rusty part of their planet. Grimlock was behind him, optics on the screen. He wasn’t even doing the foot-stomp thing he tended to do when he was bored.

“If the fast one doesn’t get the little dunce I’m changing the channel,” Crankcase said.

Spinster yanked the remote control from the blue-spattered table.  _ “Then you’ll have to go through me _ .”

“What did you say this was called again?” Krok asked, turning to Misfire. Before Misfire had a chance to answer, Krok was leaning in towards him and sniffing at his glass of engex suspiciously.

Misfire did his best to discreetly hold it out of Krok’s reach. “I just searched Earth? It’s called that, or some synonym.”

“Planet Earth,” Spinster corrected, eyes glued to the screen as the big quadruped fleshie tore into the smaller one.

“No humans, and none of that weird fabric they put on their bodies,” Fulcrum said. He sighed contentedly. “Best way to make an Earth movie.”

Misfire’s brain alit with another idea. “We should try a Dinobot one! Or – dinosabres? Whatever it is they call them on Earth.”

A chorus of  _ no _ ’s assaulted Misfire’s ears all at once, and he took a sullen sip of Krok’s engex to recover.

“Do you want the TV destroyed?” Krok asked, probably rhetorically. “And give me that.” The engex was pried out of Misfire’s hand.

Misfire barely resisted, because overall? This was a pretty good night. Grimlock had  _ maybe  _ remembered something, Misfire had solved the mystery of the perfect paint prank (he should trademark that), and everyone was out here, actually seeming to enjoy themselves.

Besides, Misfire knew where the rest of Krok’s stash was.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm on tumblr as choomchoom.


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